I control my dog.

I control her food.

I control her behavior.

I control where and when she goes to the bathroom.

Similarly, I spent most of my sales career trying to control prospects.

Controlling when they buy.

Controlling what they choose.

Traditional selling is rooted in control. It's about controlling the next step to move prospects through a sales pipeline. Quickly.

The problem is the word "control."

Whenever someone infringes on our freedom to choose, we enter the Zone of Resistance (ZOR). The ZOR is a reflex reaction to being controlled.

Non-persuasive selling starts from the position that trying to control prospects is unethical and manipulative.

Unlike dogs, attempts to control people have the opposite effect. Try to control how much someone drinks and they drink even more. People dig their heels in even deeper when you tell them what to do.

There's a difference between being told what to do and asking what you want to do.

Telling someone what to do sounds like this:

"The offer for this Kia is only good if you buy now. What kind of payment are you looking for?"

Asking someone what they would like to do sounds like this:

"Your car is 12 years old and has 190,00 miles. Most Accords will need $5200-$6400 in repairs at the 200,000-mile mark. If you trade your car for this Kia, you can avoid those potential costs and get a 10-year, 100k warranty. It's $8500. How would you like to proceed?"

The second approach builds more trust. Why? Because the first car salesperson is pushing his point of view, the prospect is more likely to push back. He's deciding for you. He's assuming you want the car. He's in control. He has commission breath.

Meanwhile, the second car salesperson is the arbiter of unbiased information. She's illuminating the cost of doing nothing so you can decide for yourself. You're in control. There's no ulterior motive, so you trust her more.

Why does trust matter?

In a world of products that do the same thing, trust is a differentiator.

The shift?

Controlling > Guiding

The golden rule? Sell how you want to be sold to.

But you can't do that with the traditional approach. You have to unlearn sales.

If you want to unlearn sales, check out my book Snakes Struggling With Sales. (Print + Digital)

I don't ship outside the US, but you can grab the digital only version here.

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