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Josh Braun

sabotaging conversations

Published over 1 year ago • 1 min read

Here are four ways people sabotage conversations.

And what to do instead.

1. Talking over people. Why? It makes the other person feel ignored and disrespected.

The way out?

The first step is being aware that you’re talking over someone. Being aware allows you to choose not to contribute.

Instead of contributing, pause for two beats after the other person is done talking.

One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.

Pausing subconsciously tells the other person that what they’re saying matters.

Everyone has a hunger to feel heard.

2. Shifting stories back to you.

Person 1: “I just got back from Boulder.”

Person 2: “We prefer Aspen. The restaurants are so much better.”

Nobody likes a story shifter.

The way out?

Keep the spotlight on the other person.

Person 1: “I just got back from Boulder.”

Person 2: “We’ve been there too. What did you think of Boulder?”

3. Multitasking. I always know when someone is multitasking. So do you. So does everyone. They’re not present. You can hear them typing. There’s a lag in the conversation. It feels like you’re having a chat over a 14.4 modem.

The way out?

Unitask. Give someone your full attention.

I had a boss (Harry) who would close his laptop and put his phone in a drawer whenever he spoke with you. The message? “You matter.”

4, Judging. Telling people you’re right, and they’re wrong.

Person 1: “I’m thinking about getting a dog from a pet store.”

Person 2: “Are you nuts? Millions of adoptable dogs are euthanized in shelters every year. You should adopt.”

People that choose not to “adopt” don’t want a TED Talk on the benefits of “adopting.”

The way out?

Shift from conniving to understanding. You can understand someone without agreeing with them.

Person 1: “I’m thinking about getting a dog from a pet store.”

Person 2: “Sounds like you have a reason for wanting to buy rather than adopt.”

Have you ever experienced someone who sabotaged a conversation? If not, perhaps you’re the one doing the sabotaging -:).

Josh Braun

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